Tag Archives: philosophy

The adventures of Officer Smedley ES Stupido Von Woopsclinger

Blog 6
The adventures of Officer Smedley ES Stupido Von Woopsclinger

No Fair look at the business of policing can be undertaken without some acknowledgement that profession has its less than stellar moments.

We are not talking about the kind of incident that unfolded in Ferguson Missouri Last month. We are going to look at those moments when the brain sends out a message that if acted upon will, no doubt cause us to utter the words “Au Shit” and up our chances of winning that coveted award at the next dinner dance.

It is said that; Strange things happen in the land of the midnight sun.
When the exhaust of the prowler car is allowed to run.
When the ghosts of the vortex materialize near dawn,
and the lines of battle are drawn.

We are not talking about this manifestations of the weird conjuring’s of the night that makes our blood run cold.

We are speaking of the one off stupid. The incident on the range where an otherwise well trained officer that can’t shoot for Poop leaves his coat on the range under his target and proceeds to shoot it full of holes then when others on the line notice this they join in on the fun an all start blasting the coat to shreds. This gave rise to the term “Gomezing” your gun which is quite common. A shooter, anticipating the bang, closes his or her eyes and pushes forward on the gun which drops the barrel and causes a very low shot. I saw a lot of this, when I was training troops at Fort Lewis. We even saw this when a General Officer turned up with the affliction.

We are speaking about the officer that when dispatched to a call at a local hotel of a possible bomb in the bath room and finding a bag with a sign that states, “This is a bomb”. While his fellow officers are discussing how to proceed in the orderly evacuation of the building, takes it on himself to draw his night stick and beat the bag to pieces and thereby cause a stampede of officers and citizens into the parking lot. Then he comes out and announces that it was just a bunch of flairs. No! Smedley was not fired for that one.
Smedley Was not fired for telling his rookie trainee, “never fire a warning shot as the round will be out there somewhere and there is no control over where it may come down”. No less than 15 minutes later he fires a warning shot as we are chasing a felon up an alley. We clearly heard him say “au shit” when the shot rang out.

Smedley liked to be well armed he was a transfer from another department I told him not to wear the ankle weapon a small 22 cal. Auto with an exposed hammer. But this young Smedley new better he went to court I went on patrol. Two hours later I get a call to “help the officer” I was a block from the station. Smedley was in the parking lot. I get there and find him sitting in his car holding his foot up in great pain. I ask what happened? He says “ I was getting in the car and hit the leg weapon on the door jam and it went off. He shot a hole in the bottom of the holster and then into his ankle.

Years earlier another of his relatives had one of those small caliber weapons in his pocket and was interviewing a suspect when we were executing a warrant at a drug house. The suspect was standing in front of this Smedley with several officers flanking him. The questions were coming hot and heavy. Somebody said talk and thing could go better for you. The suspect was reluctant to talk. Smedley was fingering the gun in his pocket and becoming somewhat frustrated with the guy. There was a boom and the suspect doubled over from being hit in the privets with debris from a ricochet that bounced up from the floor. Smedley felt something cold slide down his leg and into his shoe. Smedley kept his cool. It was later determined to be change from his pocket. The suspect gave so much information after that that he became Smedley’s favorite source of information

S. Henry Knocker

Blog 5 How not to be noticed by the average police officer on patrol.

How not to be noticed by the average police officer on patrol.

Before I give you the top 10 ways to get yourself noticed by a patrol officer; I would like to clue you in about one major misconception, the public has about what a patrol vehicle is doing when it is on the road. What it is not, is a fellow motorist transporting himself to some job, or a doughnut checker going from one doughnut house to another, but I believe that is what most of the public thinks.

These vehicles are not using the road for the same purpose the rest of us are. They go fast. They go slow. They make those U turns where you can’t go. They go up the wrong way streets and park funny.
In order to put this into perspective it would helpful to think of these vehicles as you would the white blood cells in the immune system of the human body. They cruse around looking for impurities in the body of the host they are there to protect.

Hence the moto “to protect and serve”.

The greatest weapon a police officer has, in this endeavor to erase the impurities in the system, is his or her ability to observe. In this instance observe means, to see, hear, feel, smell, and know by ESP the impurities. A patrol officer that does not hone these skills and pay attention to them is doing a disservice to the public. Too many officers pay no attention to these skills and subscribe to the do the minimum and get the maximum philosophy. I write about this syndrome in my book A View from the Street / River City Policing, coming out this winter.

OK! Now that I think your head is right, we can discuss the ten ways to avoid getting noticed by the police. #1 don’t give them any help, by getting pissed off at a fellow traveler, who may have got distracted or failed to notice that the king of the universe (You) were around; and cut you off, disrespected you or to some degree caused you some discomfort. If you flip him or her off, retaliate or shoot at them, they will call on their cell phone, everyone has one, and you will get the attention of not just the local car but about every car anywhere near you. There will be several dispatchers and office clerks with computers. Depending on the circumstances there is no limit to the poop that may rain down on you, up to and including a fleet of B1 bombers pissing all over you. Well maybe they won’t go that far. But I wouldn’t count on it. Remember that satchel charge that took down that building in a large city back east a couple decades ago.
That’s the big one. The rest are minor in comparison and the order is debatable; speeding more than about 7 MPH over the limit, one over in a school zone, noise from those big speakers, playing in the snow, burning rubber, driving with both feet out the window, Playing with your phone, putting on makeup, and reading a book with your kid on your lap, or any combination of the above.

Now remember when you see one of these sleek vehicles cruse by you 10 or 15 over the limit, they don’t use the roads the way you do. They are stalking their pray.

Be thankful you read this blog and it wasn’t YOU!

S. Henry Knocker